This article first appeared in Capital, The Edge Malaysia Weekly on January 10, 2022 - January 16, 2022

Dear Tiger,

It’s that time of the year when every feng shui master and astrologer is preparing to tell us if your species will be a good or bad omen, as 2022 is supposed to be your year.

As your colleagues the Rat and Ox have severely underperformed, we are keeping our fingers crossed that you will be able to turn things around this year. Here’s why.

You see, the Rat was an egotistical maniac in the sense that he wanted us to emulate his characteristics. He kept us all hidden away in 2020 and we only went out when it was time to look for food like, you know, rats. 

And to top it all off, some of us got caught in rat traps and had to pay hefty fines for being a little too naughty or straying from standard operating procedures although, interestingly, there seemed to be more rat traps in some areas and hardly any in others.

Your friend the Ox was no better. Reputedly a hard worker, he didn’t quite live up to expectations as there was little work or industry last year. Perhaps it was because the Covid-19 virus was tireless, mutating into just about every available letter in the Greek alphabet, so much so that even the alphabet-loving Sesame Street muppets resigned in protest.

You see, the world thought that if we all got vaccinated, the pandemic would go away. Well, the vaccines did do their job as hospitalisation and death rates related to the virus dipped, but you know, to put it in your language, there are still stubborn mules who refuse to be vaccinated. As such, inoculation rates worldwide are low, which pretty much explains why the virus is still with us.

That brings us to you, our feline friend. 

You see, tigers are well respected. Take, for instance, the 1980s hit song about you that demonstrates strength, called Eye of the Tiger.

Indian author Aravind Adiga even wrote a book about your kind called The White Tiger. It won an award, after which Netflix even made a movie out of it. 

Speaking of movies, you were one of the main stars in Oscar-winning director Ang Lee’s Life of Pi.

And I am also happy to report that you are part of the tight entourage of Winnie the Pooh, a global celebrity bear that does not wear pants and likes honeypots.

To Malaysians, you are the official mascot of our national football team Harimau Malaya, and the largest bank in our country, Malayan Banking Bhd.

When we have a headache, we look for a balm named after you, called, well, Tiger Balm. Oh, and there’s even a beer named after you. Ok fine, Tiger beer is Singaporean and so is Tiger Balm, but they are really popular here. 

So, Tiger, what we need you to do is straightforward. You are a predatory animal and our ask is as simple as can be: we need you to tear the Covid-19 virus to shreds and gobble it up. 

Because if you can’t do it, it will be up to the Rabbit in 2023. So really, Tiger, we don’t want to put the fate of mankind in the paws of an animal whose core competencies are appearing out of a hat, running late in Wonderland, asking doctors “what’s up, doc” while chewing on a carrot, getting beaten in a race by a tortoise and occasionally making an appearance on satay grills in Malaysia. Yes, I know it is disgusting, but rabbit satay is a delicacy here.

There is no better candidate to help us in this fight against Covid-19 because if you can’t do it, our next best bet would be our politicians and to be honest, we would rather wait for the Rabbit.

Sincerely,

Mankind

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