Thursday 28 Mar 2024
By
main news image

This article first appeared in Forum, The Edge Malaysia Weekly on November 7, 2022 - November 13, 2022

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” — Dr Martin Luther King, Jr (1929–1968), American civil rights leader

 

Failure is an inevitable part of life, and so is disappointment. We’ve all been there. That sinking feeling in your stomach when you realise that your hard work didn’t pay off and you didn’t win — you did not get the position, promotion or raise you were hoping for.

Or maybe you did get the promotion, but it was not what you expected, and now you’re stuck in a space that is not right for you. Disappointment is a part of life, but it can be especially difficult to deal with when it comes after hard work and heightened expectations.

Disappointment is the feeling of sadness we get when something we wanted or expected to happen doesn’t. At work, we can be disappointed when a project fails, a promising new hire quits abruptly, or we don’t get a bonus, raise or promotion.

Disappointment is especially hard to swallow if your expectations are made public. Recent content in local media relating to the upcoming 15th general election is replete with names of political leaders and players that were dropped from the roster of candidates that will duke it out in the upcoming polls.

Heavyweight warlords who thought they were too big to fall were especially impacted when these announcements were made. To see their forlorn faces and weak body language was to witness their lofty falls from grace firsthand. It is much like a dreadful Greek drama come to life. But then, bruised egos are par for the political game, no?

So, let us try to make sense of it all. First of all, it is important to understand that disappointment is normal. We all have experienced it at some point in our lives, and it is not wrong to feel so. Obviously, some disappointments are harder to handle than others, especially if it means that you will likely never achieve your goal.

Still, if you learn how to manage the emotion in a positive manner, rather than blaming yourself or feeling unduly humiliated, you can actually learn from it and use it as a motivator.

While the feelings of discouragement and sadness that accompany big disappointments are uncomfortable, it’s how we react to them that can make the event truly awful or something we can grow from.

Disappointment is personal, so it is important to remember that everyone deals with it differently. Some people may be able to brush it off quickly, while others may need some time to process their feelings. Nevertheless, you feel disappointed for a reason. The more you can uncover why you’re feeling it, the better off you’ll be in dealing with it. It is okay to feel disappointed, but what is not okay is to let that disappointment turn into resentment or bitterness.

Some disappointments are easy to process and move past, but others are not. If you are dealing with a game-changing disappointment, you will need to decide what you’re going to do in the wake of it. The temptation to make rash decisions is strong, as is the temptation to lash out at others. Emotions and perhaps tempers are heightened.

Do not let your compulsions dictate your behaviour. In the moment, it may seem satisfying to undermine whatever or whoever is causing your disappointment or to throw your hands up and quit, but doing so would be incredibly short-sighted. You may not be in the right frame of mind to make decisions, so cool off before making any big ones.

Take a step back and try to view the conflict from the decision-makers’ perspective if you are feeling angry or resentful towards them. At the very least, work to release the resentment; otherwise, you will always see them through that lens. That is when you lose ground because, as those feelings grow, your control over them shrinks. You are ripe for an inappropriate comment … or perhaps a damaging, unhelpful gesture will come flying out of your vicinity!

So, stop dwelling on your disappointments because doing so does not change the person or situation. If you get so preoccupied with thinking about a situation that does not meet your needs, you are likely creating unnecessary stress. Thinking does not change a negative situation, but it will change how you feel, and not always for the better! When you catch yourself thinking negatively, redirect and focus on positive solutions.

Always look for ways to regain control of your thoughts. This is perhaps the most important step in making the leap from feeling out of control to being more in control of your life.

Disappointment is personal, so it is important to remember that everyone deals with it differently. Some people may be able to brush it off quickly, while others may need some time to process their feelings. Nevertheless, you are feeling disappointed for a reason. The more you can uncover why you’re feeling it, the better off you’ll be in dealing with it.

If you view disappointments as learning experiences, you will be able to turn the negative feelings from the event into positive ones and take action. With a little reflection and an objective assessment of what really happened, you can learn how to set more realistic expectations and plan exactly what to do next to achieve your objective.

What you’re doing is taking control back from an event whose outcome (that deeply affected you) was out of your control. You may not have had any say in that decision; however, you can control how you react to that disappointment. And that feeling of control will make you feel better and allow you to plan.

When you use disappointment as a personal growth experience, you develop resilience, a skill you can lean on when dealing with future setbacks, whether personal or professional. If you understand the reason why you were so disappointed (was it the money? The prestige? The proof of career progression?), you can better understand what is truly important to you. You will then live your life more truthfully.


Zakie Shariff is the executive chairman of Kiarafics Sdn Bhd, a strategy consulting group. He is also an adjunct professor at the Faculty of Industrial Management, Universiti Malaysia Pahang.

Save by subscribing to us for your print and/or digital copy.

P/S: The Edge is also available on Apple's AppStore and Androids' Google Play.

      Print
      Text Size
      Share